You have decided you might want help. Now every therapist’s website seems to offer a different collection of letters, methods, and promises.
Perhaps you know that something from your past still affects you. Perhaps you would not use the word trauma, but you keep having reactions that do not make sense to you. You want someone experienced without having to become an expert in psychotherapy before you make an appointment.
You can begin with a simpler question: Can this person help me understand what is happening and explain how we might work on it?
The word trauma appears on many therapy profiles. It does not always tell you what the therapist treats or how they work.
You could ask whether they work with a particular frightening event, with long-standing patterns formed in relationships, or both. If your childhood looked fine on paper but something still feels unsettled, say that. A useful answer will engage with your experience rather than require you to fit a description on a website.
Ask what happens before any trauma processing begins. How will the therapist get to know you? What would lead them to suggest a particular approach? How would the two of you decide whether it is helping?
You do not need to select a method before talking to a therapist. Ask them to explain why they recommend their approach for the difficulties you describe, what the work involves, and how you would decide together whether it is helping.
A training certificate can tell you that someone studied an approach. It cannot, by itself, tell you how they use it with a person whose needs are complicated.
You might ask: What experience do you have working with people whose difficulties come from years of stressful relationships rather than one event? Or: How do you work when someone understands their patterns well but still has the same reactions?
Listen for a specific answer. It need not be filled with technical language. In fact, a therapist who can explain their work plainly may make it easier for you to decide whether it fits.
You can also ask what happens when an approach does not seem useful. Good therapy includes the ability to notice that and talk about it together.
A consultation is an opportunity to learn how it feels to speak with this person. Do they listen closely? Do they ask questions that help them understand you? Is there room to disagree or correct an assumption?
You need not feel immediately comfortable telling a stranger everything. You may even feel nervous with someone who eventually proves to be an excellent fit. The question is whether you can imagine becoming more honest with them over time.
A meta-analysis of the therapeutic relationship and outcomes in adult psychotherapy found a consistent association between the quality of that relationship and treatment outcomes. An association cannot guarantee what will happen in your therapy. It does give you reason to take your experience of the conversation seriously.
A therapist can have impressive credentials and still be the wrong person for you. You are allowed to notice that.
Before you commit, ask about fees, insurance, scheduling, and whether sessions are in person or online. If you plan to meet by telehealth, ask whether the therapist is licensed to work with you where you will be located during sessions.
These questions are part of choosing care. A treatment you cannot afford or attend regularly may not be workable, however much you like the clinician.
You can ask how long sessions last, what happens if you need to cancel, and whether there is a usual way to discuss progress. Knowing the arrangements leaves more room to focus on the work itself.
You do not have to decide whether a therapist can help you for the rest of your life. You are deciding whether to have a conversation, and perhaps whether to begin.
Notice whether the therapist treats your questions as welcome. You should be able to ask what they do, what they know, and what they do not yet know about you. A thoughtful answer may include some uncertainty. That is different from vagueness.
If the first person is not a fit, you have learned something about what you need. The search can be tiring, but it is reasonable to look for someone with whom you can do honest, challenging work.
Anne Lindyberg, LMHC (Iowa), LCPC (Illinois), integrates the experiential therapy of Virginia Satir with Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) and the Alexander Technique. She specializes in helping adults with complex and developmental trauma create lasting emotional change through therapy.
This article and other informational content on this website are provided for educational purposes only. They are not a substitute for individualized professional care, do not constitute advice specific to your circumstances, and do not establish a therapist-client relationship.
This work is created on the traditional and unceded lands of Indigenous peoples; a fuller acknowledgment of the land, its history, and its peoples is available on this website.
“The Alliance in Adult Psychotherapy: A Meta-analytic Synthesis.” 2018. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29792475/
Midwest Center for Transformational Change PLC